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Saturday 9 September 2017

Darkness lightened

Sod’s Law reversed! Bedroom curtains in our previous house in Kingston-upon-Thames fitted the present house in Hereford and have hung here for the intervening nineteen years. For me a further nineteen years would have been fine but VR has fussier standards. Replacements were acquired on-line at shocking expense.

Sod’s Law re-applied! We needed a new curtain rail. Foolishly I chose one operated by cord. Attaching it to the wall was a mini-nightmare since the thing is long enough for shark fishing. Apprehension immediately arose when the job was done. This is one of those systems where a single pull opens (or closes) both curtains simultaneously. Thus the cord is over twice the length of the rail and the friction is IMMENSE. It was clear the rail’s tiny mounting brackets, each held by a single inadequate screw and Rawlplug, would not stay put after a few tugs. A self-fulfilling apprehension.

Needless to say rail and brackets are custom-made and the room for improvisation was restricted. A lifetime of bodging came to my rescue and I eventually re-attached the rail more robustly. But the effort required to operate the system continued to be ominous. I mentioned this to VR.

“Why not take the cord out and open the curtains by hand?” she said.

Why not, indeed?

I reflected on the Stone Age. Life was harder then, but simpler. Few caves had curtains. “Why not draw curtains on the cave wall?” suggests Mrs Rubble.

Yes, pragmatism is ageless as is VR.

12 comments:

  1. Can one or something be aesthetically pragmatic?

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  2. Sir Hugh: It depends on the meaning of the incomplete phrase "aesthetically pragmatic" (ie, what's missing). A pragmatic decision which was also aesthetically pleasing is entirely possible, but could be far better expressed. But the two words, standing together, are nonsense. For one thing "aesthetic" in the sense used here is not a qualitative epithet (it means: concerned with beauty or the appreciation of beauty) and even if it were pragmatic is itself an epithet; in fact an adverb lacking a verb to qualify. And just in case you thought I'd slipped up, the verb "to be" only takes adjectives.

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  3. Impressive DIY and certainly with its own aesthetic purpose. Does this include something ingenious to weigh down the curtain seams? My clever mother-in-law hid her jewellery there (as we discovered just seconds before the curtains went into the washing machine).

    Just back from a short trip to Holland, where obscenely clean and curtain-less windows are a tradition (Calvinist) and very much in force.

    I am a poor window cleaner, though, and perform even worse when it comes to washing and re-hanging curtains; luckily, Germany has a tradition of sturdy outside blinds and indoor window sills wide enough for large pot plants.

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  4. Sabine: In our previous house, in high-income Kingston, we were burgled four times and thus had no jewellery left to extend the curtain seams. As it happens the new curtains were tailored exactly and thus their fall - I believe that's the technical term - causes them to touch the window sill precisely (wie eine Engelsküsse) and no further weight is needed.

    Please, please, let not the Dutch be obscenely clean. Love them for their cleanliness; one EU divorce is enough.

    A man cleans our windows and is paid. Our lives are worth more than it costs. As to washing curtains VR has never done this. NEVER! She defends this squalor by opining that washing might wreck the Rufflette system. I trust you know all about Rufflette.

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  5. Rufflette is beyond me. A name for a dog? A new type of iron, hair iron, waffle iron? I just googled and am astounded.
    I've lived curtain-free for the last 40 years (and wish to remain so). But my mother had something far more complicated as far as I recall.

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  6. Sabine: I'm delighted I don't have to explain. Installing the new rail was my job but when it came to inserting the hooks and adjusting the Rufflette I bring in VR. It's a fidgety business and since the result is purely cosmetic I'm unable to take it seriously, unable to command my unwilling fingers with any degree of authority.

    So you live in a curtain-less house? It's not the prurience of passing strangers I mind, I don't care to be observed occupying myself mundanely, reading a book that undersells me, a half-finished decanter of red wine on the coffee table, my doublet all unbraced like Hamlet. I'd rather be lofty, remote, disdainful or failing any of that, hidden behind curtains. I admire your overtness.

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  7. RR, we have ways to hide. Front garden, trees, a hedge, strategically well placed large indoor plants, and so on. Also, this is Germany, the country of Rolläden or blinds, sturdy things that roll down outside the window when it gets dark or when the sun is too hot and bright.
    We invested good money to have them run on state of the art timers, providing a pretend sense of security. Of course, nothing is safe. Web know THAT.

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  8. "I reflected on the Stone Age."

    Prost to VR!!!

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  9. Now that I've read through dear Sabine's comments, I suppose I have to admit that when I moved to this historic apartment, I was saddened to discover ugly 'merican plastic blinds on the windows. So I cover most of them with Frankfurt or Hesse flags.

    I know, I know. But I don't have anyone else to please, so there you have it.

    Engelsküsse ... hmmm ...

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  10. Sabine/RW (zS): The best kind of post and the best kind of comments. Sticking with the subject yet widening it out, telling me more about life in Germany and the Mid-West than I would ever have found out by direct questions. Thank you both for going with the flow.

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  11. When we moved to this new-build house on my retirement I needed to equip it with curtains and hanging rails at all 7 windows, one of which was a bay. no problem,I thought, I have done all this many times before (but all my old houses had hard brick walls beneath a soft plaster top-scree.)

    I had all the rawlplugs, masonry drills and screw drivers. But I had never experienced before the type of walls I now had. All plasterboard lined, which was affixed to the underlying breeze/brick by large splats of stuff, leaving a small cavity behind between the board and the main wall. I sweated and cursed since all my usual techniques only resulted in the rawlplugs turning in he soft board and resulting in ever larger holes (which I needed to fill with plaster).

    Only on taking advice at the hardware store (which I should have done first, I suppose) did I discover that I needed to use special screw-in plugs for this plasterboard and I eventually did the job. Although first I had to ascertain the spots of "spludge" behind the boards since I could not drill into that. It was a nightmare and most of the downstairs windows ended up with venetian blinds, which had the same fixing problems, but never needed moving again since the actual blinds could periodically be changed without disturbing the wall fixing.

    Your house looks similar to mine. Do you have similar problems, or were you used to plasterboard?

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  12. Avus: We were the first owners of our present house, moving in in 1998 and facing the same problems as you did. Even worse than "spaced" plasterboard walls were stud walls based on a vestigial wooden frame with plasterboard on either side, in effect a very flat box. Or you might say an air sandwich.

    Although you do not mention it I take it you tried (and were disappointed by) screws equipped with an adjustable "diamond" frame which could be collapsed into a straight line and then pushed through the drilled hole. Thereafter one tightened the screw and the "diamond" (now at the other side of the plasterboard) widened into its full geometric shape. It looked plausible but it was flimsily constructed and tended to slacken off with use. Had the "diamond" been fashioned from wider metal strips it might have worked but then the drilled hole would have needed to be wider.

    The solution which you mention (a very coarse screw into which a much finer screw is screwed) does work but woe-betide if you have to unscrew it.

    Yet another solution is to use much longer screws/Rawlplugs which engage with the breeze-blocks. But these too have disadvantages.

    One problem with curtain rails is that they must often be mounted on to concrete lintels above the window. You can get through a lot of masonry bits drilling into these. Some modern houses have lintels made of a softer material than concrete. Unfortunately this material incoporates metal mesh for reinforcement. Sod's Law says you'll hit the mesh as you drill.

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